Jesters, Daleks and Vogons

It’s a real shame that I seem to have found better things to do with my time recently than blogging because I have sadly neglected this blog. There is so much to say as well. For a start, the New Broom, Dalek Caan is doing her job at the Dark Satanic Mill ruthlessly and well. She has swept through the complaints department and decimated it.

I would give a roll call of the sadly missed but unfortunately, there are only two that I have provided Jester names for:

Goodwill Jessina and Yours Truly. Unfortunately, there was a cull of other Jesters, who have not been mentioned in previous blogs, in total 9.

Now, please don’t start worrying. I still work at the Satanic Mill and I still have some things I would like to get off my chest. I still do the same job – complaints – but for a sister company. Jessina and 7 others have gone back into the Call Centre (the true Dark Satanic Mill). I have been joined by the two other Jesters.

The New Broom has been more ruthless in the Call Centre and has basically got rid of anybody still in their probation not doing their job to her exacting standards. The rumours are that about 20 odd have gone, including 3 Team Managers. I know she hasn’t finished.

Actually, I forgot one more Jester, who, I heard today, has left the company: Goodwill Jasper. I know that he jumped before they could push him but I know little else but will get the low down off him if I can and, if it is entertaining, I’ll blog it.

So Dalek Caan is living up to her name and putting the fear of God into everybody.

Otherwise it has been business as usual. E-mails went down for a large part of the Satanic Mill for a number of weeks recently. This caused much embarrassment to a number of my colleagues because they were not receiving e-mails that needed urgent answers. None more so than Orville, a legally trained Jester who now deals with the Financial Ombudsman Service. They did not believe that she was not receiving their e-mails and assumed, most unjustly, that she was ignoring them. It is a pretty poor excuse, though, isn’t it, when you say that your IT Department is incapable of keeping e-mails working. Poor excuse; even worse reason.

The printers are or I should say were still rubbish. For a department that prints so many letters, they were wholly inadequate and had been so for years. Today, they were disconnected and replaced with a new, all singing and dancing one. Nobody has seen fit to train anybody on it though.

I think my favourite has to be the Payroll cock up. I worked a large number of hours’ overtime last month. I was eagerly awaiting my wage slip on Friday because I knew it was going to be a bumper pay day. Not so. Payroll messed up with a spreadsheet and forgot to add overtime worked by 100 employees at the Dark Satanic Mill. Whoops. I now have to wait for a cheque, like my 99 colleagues.

I think the Vogons were responsible for the misery endured by Goodwill Jerry and my lovely colleague and friend, young Goodwill Agamemnon. (Just a quick footnote here: Agamemnon chose her own Jester name. She loves the name and doesn’t mind that it’s a man’s name, even an ancient Greek man’s name. She loves it because it seems so absurd to her. I couldn’t refuse her, now, could I?) Anyway, the Vogons or Resource Planners as they more commonly known, have marked Aggie has having taken 16 hours’ unauthorised absence, so her pay has been docked by the relevant amount. This is blatantly unfair because Aggie does not remember taking any unauthorised absence and she would have been told about it if she had done so. Our Team Manager is looking into this for her so hopefully, she will get her money back.

I assume the same thing has happened to Gerard and I believe (although I have not heard it directly from him) that over £500 has been docked from his pay this month. That is a lot of money when you earn less than the national average and all Jesters earn less than that.

It’s a shame really because they do a good job and should be rewarded, not punished.