Jester, Sir Ranulph Fiennes and the Union

It’s still freezing in the Dark Satanic Mill. Well, in our bit it is. Maybe on the floor above it is warmer. After all, they say that hot air rises and in the Complaints Department we produce plenty of it.

The arctic conditions are a particular problem for the skinny Jesters in the team, including Yours Truly (or should I say Yours Sincerely) and Goodwill Jasper, the Gay Ian Paisley. This has become such a problem for Jasper, who doesn’t have a spare inch of flesh on him, that he has contacted the Union and asked them to intervene. The Union has given the Mill two weeks to sort it out or… I’m not sure what.

Jasper is our Union Rep, so I suppose it was the sensible thing to do. It was particularly bad this morning and Jasper spoke to the Union again. This time they have threatened to bring in an external body (presumably to measure the temperature and see how close to Absolute Zero it actually is).

This got Jester’s imagination working overtime. I have a macabre sense of humour at the best of times and I immediately equated cold working conditions and bodies with morgues, so I had to ask Jasper if the refrigeration unit in the local Mortuary had gone and if they were going to move the bodies into our office so they wouldn’t go off.

Several groans later someone told me to shut up and get on with my work. So, another typical day in the Dark Satanic Mill.