The Emo, The Area Network Manager and New Brooms

I was never under the illusion that the Dark Satanic Mill has a monopoly on treating its staff in … let’s be kind here and call it … a silly way. In fact, I would go further and say that in a competition between the Dark Satanic Mill and our local Clownstabulary in the let’s-treat-our-employees-in-a-ridiculous-fashion stakes, the local Clownstabulary wins hands down every time. I was, however, under the illusion that maybe other employers (particularly in the private sector) have more idea how to treat their workforces.

 Not so. I was wrong. I collected my daughter, The Emo (she is a Timelord in her spare time – her catchphrase is “saving the Earth with a cup of tea”), from work on Sunday. I’m an indulgent mother and she has me twisted round her little finger, so I run a free taxi service for her. She was  distraught. She works for a national greeting card retailer, a sort of Dark Satanic Paper Mill, but I will call them Eastwoods Cards.

Her particular branch of Eastwoods Cards had had a visit from the Area Network Manager. I am not sure exactly what an Area Network Manager does but I suspect she is senior to the store manager. The Emo told me that the Area Network Manager has decided that the workers in the shops in our home town are too happy and she is going to redistribute the employees round the various shops.

The Emo has a major problem with this. She is perfectly capable at saving the Earth (or some other planet) on a weekly basis over a 13 week run but she is a very shy girl and has great difficulty building up friendships and has taken nearly three years at the shop for her to feel confident about the people she works with. She is now really worried that she is going to have to go through the same slow, laborious  process of making friends again. She also thinks that the idea is plain stupid because it is well known in psychological circles that happy people work better (something the Dark Satanic Mill and the Clownstabulary would do well to recognise).

I explained to her that there is little she can do. None of the workforce belongs to a union so they have nobody to represent them and they will be powerless to stop this going ahead. She will be moved to another shop and will have to start making friends again. The same thing happened to her Dad – he was part of a good team, who were split up around the Division because they did not make enough arrests (my husband likes to do proper police work – going into town on Friday and Saturday and arresting drunks to reach his targets does not give him job satisfaction) or something similar.

I did explain, however, that this Area Network Manager reminds me of our very own, sadly departed, Fat Controller. She, like him, must see herself as a new broom with lots of clever ideas, which she will put into action. She will make a thorough nuisance of herself for a time and make those who report to her hate her and then she will leave, possibly under a cloud, having caused major damage to the workforce’s morale.

It almost made me feel nostalgic.