Jester and Bored Retired Ladies

One thing I’ve forgotten to mention in this blog is the welcome return of a retired jester on Monday. I very briefly mentioned her retirement in April but I glossed over it because I had got drunk at her leaving do and kissed (tongues and all) one of the Gay Gordons and I didn’t want to mention it then.

Well, she’s bored and has come back to the Dark Satanic Mill. She is now part-time and does admin in the Complaints Department but it is wonderful to have her back. I didn’t even think of a name for her back in April and I am tired of racking my brains for jester names so she can retain her old nickname from work and will henceforth be known as Goodwill Thora.

Welcome back Thora: we all missed you terribly.

Jester and the Move continued

It’s been an interesting 3 days at the Dark Satanic Mill. On Wednesday I went to work as normal but instead of going to my usual part of the building, I went to the New Building. Now, the New Building has plenty for me to moan about but the main thing really is I hate change. Actually, it’s not so bad after all. They’ve sat me next to Goodwill Josie, who’s great fun and the office is clean and tidy.

It is, however, very cold because, for some reason, nobody can adjust the air conditioning. In fact, I don’t think the word “cold” does it justice; maybe a better word to describe the conditions at the New Dark Satanic Mill would be Arctic. We’ve all been suffering from frostbite and hypothermia. Goodwill Jessica was reduced to sitting on her hands yesterday in an attempt to warm them up enough to type. I have decided that I am going to come into work on Monday in full arctic explorer garb: fleece hat, gloves, scarf, fleece jacket and wind and waterproof jacket. I might even wear my hiking boots with crampons attached. I did ask on Thursday if I could wear my rag coat and hat (I’m a Border Morris Dancer in my spare time) but my manager told me that that is not smart business attire and lent me her jacket, which is.

She also lent Goodwill Josie another manager’s cardigan, which made Josie feel like a granny and she spent the rest of the day saying “Ooh, that’s bonny!” in a granny-like voice.

So, apart from conditions that Sir Ranulph Fiennes would recognise (I keep expecting to see Jeremy Clarkson and James May drive through the office in a large Toyota, swigging Gin and Tonics), what else is there to say about the new office?

Well, the new printer is broken. Some heavy handed Jester slammed the paper drawer in too heavy-handedly and broke bits off it. It now complains loudly every time we print anything, which is about every 5 seconds. It also has to be treated very gently if we want it to print is at all. Jasper has the missing pieces on his desk. It was he who realised the problem and very tenderly gathered up the broken bits to show to IT.

The drinks machine (and I’m convinced it is brand new) does not work. There was a technician working on it most of Thursday and most of yesterday but to no avail. That means we have to go up to the second or third floor to get a drink. I went up to the third floor yesterday (I had not been told the machine on the second floor was working) and my Customer Service Manager (i.e. my manager’s manager) caught me coming down stairs with my cup of hot, brown water. She nearly had a fit on health and safety grounds and asked me to use the lift. I can’t do that because I’m claustrophobic and I think the stairs are the lesser of the two evils, even though they are so open plan that I’m terrified of falling through the non-existent risers. So I trod very carefully indeed.

Talking of claustrophobia, the toilet cubicles are a nightmare. They are tiny and I can’t use one of them because it is about 2′ x 2′ and there is no room for me to cower in a corner, screaming “Let me out, let me out!” The others are a tiny bit bigger. Yesterday, I noticed that one of the soap dispensers had fallen off the wall. I wish I’d had my camera with me; it was one of the funniest things I’ve seen for some time.

Finally, I had intended to run a book on who would spill coffee on the carpet first. Too late, Josie did it yesterday. I’m proud of her!